iloveyou sex
by ThouShaltNotScream
Summary: GenRai Genma and Raidou are kick-ass ANBU and shinobi, but they're infamous for other things too... Sex! Rated for countinuous use of the word.


DISCLAIMER: well duh I don't know them. This place is called fanfiction (dot) net for a reason, you know.

Pairings: GenRai or RaiGen, and some hints of KakaIru or IruKaka (though in here it's mainly HoundXDolphin

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i-love-you sex

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Genma and Raidou were somewhat infamous among the shinobi of Genma. Not among the gennins- though they all knew the pair as senbon-sucker and scar-man. But the Chunnins and the Jounins (and the ANBU and T&I workers, hell, even the sannin) all knew who they were. And why they were infamous.

It wasn't about how they were co-captains of the ANBU, or even that Genma had (reportedly) slept with a shinobi from every nation, including Sound (If you asked them about it, Genma would grin and say, "I think you have me confused with …" , before Raidou would roll his eyes, grab his arm and walk away.) Or that Raidou was reigning king of the Friday night drinking games, or that Genma knew all sorts of ways to cheat at cards, and would teach you if you asked him and Raidou wasn't there.

No, while those were all true, what made them special was the fact that they regularly engaged in the most types of sex, known to mankind (or at least the sexually curious part of it.)

There was god-you-drive-me-crazy-in-a-good-way sex, and let's-have-sex-just-'cause-it's-a-Monday sex. There were the usual, you're-leaving-for-a-mission-don't-get-yourself-killed sex and mission-well-done sex, and we-made-it-back-so-FTW sex. There was the I-feel-kinda-drunk-on-happiness sex, and i-wish-they-weren't-all-DEAD sex (with different variants of who 'they' was.) Raidou and Genma had i-like-candy and i-like-chocolate sex, usually at the same time, so it was more of a i-like-candy-and-chocolate sex (though it was rumored that they once had a threesome with Anko when all were on a sugar high, including i-LOVE-dango sex in there.)

At last count (which was a few years ago, Tsunade wouldn't let them take half a year off again just to go through all their different categories of sex, though she had bet on about 100 when they announced that they were going to attempt to catalogue them) there were 1379. Not including arglsjdhfg sex, which would have evened it out to a nice 1380, and also not including oral. Because apparently oral sex, though having the letters S E X doesn't count as actual sex to Tsunade (Though Genma and Raidou think that she was just bitter that her and Jirarya never actually started anything together...)

And out of the Oral area, there was what's-this-in-my-mouth-do-you-want-it-back?-no?-then-I'll-keep-it sex and do-you-do-this-to-your-senbon sex. But as those were the most conservative out of that category, and yet still bordering on the obscene, one can imagine the others.

If one asked the ANBU (though you wouldn't hear them speak, they'd probably just write a note) what Genma and Raidou did alone in the locker rooms (and naked… and wet…) they would reply that they certainly didn't try to spy on their captains, but as they were obviously closet exhibitionists (though how someone could be a closet exhibitionist) they couldn't just LEAVE after seeing the sexy Raidou and Genma do…stuff. Let it never be said that it was Jirarya who turned Kakashi into a pervert. He helped along what ANBU had started. But the ANBU whose pervertedness was in question (namely, Lizard, Raven, and Dolphin, who happened to have a thing for a certain Hound) would share the following information: Genma and Raidou also enjoyed having ooh-we-both-look-really-sexy-all-dressed-up-in-our-VERY-tight-ANBU-uniforms sex and i-bet-you-look-even-better-without-those-clothes-on sex and how-'bout-we-both-get-naked sex. If one managed to find the reclusive Hound (when he wasn't with his beloved Dolphin), he could tell one that Genma and Raidou also liked the this-shower-wall-is-really-convenient sex and even-though-we're-tired-let's-still-do-this sex and thank-god-it's-you-and-you're-ALIVE sex. But not more than that, because even the Hound has a sense of other people's privacy.

And they enjoyed it at all times. There was god-damn-it-you-look-HOT-in the-morning-and-you're-mine-so-wake-up sex, and hey-it's-almost-lunch-perhaps-we-should-get-out-of-bed-sometime-in-the-next-24-hours sex and who-wants-dinner-when-i-can-have-YOU sex. Along with hey-we-have-night-shift-in-an-hour-what-do-you-want-to-do-'till-then sex, and dawn-is-really-pretty-but-not-as-interesting-as-you sex and cool-it's-still-dark-our sex.

There was the all purpose i-like-having-sex-with-you sex. The usual: sex-is-fun sex. Happy-birthday sex. It's-our-anniversary sex. Thank-god-for-the-color-purple sex. And the (somewhat rare) angst-ridden-Genma-and-Raidou-need-to-take-some-time-off sex. But if Raidou and Genma were asked what their favorite type of sex was, they'd probably smile, shake their heads, and walk off to have some we-like-confusing-other-people-about-our-favorite-things sex (Version 2, as version 1 was about favorite colors, and version 3 was about favorite animals and version 4 about favorite mission partners, excluding themselves, of course, and version 5 was about…) Not that it stopped people from trying to guess what it was. For example, Hound thought it was is-that-a-banana-in-your-pocket-or-are-you-just-excited-to-see-me sex, which was shot down pretty quickly as Genma explained that Raidou didn't even LIKE bananas.

Anko thought that it was blood-and-gore-and-other-various-tourtures-are-funbutnot-as-fun-as-:censored: sex.

Gai insisted that it was Youthful-Passions-Inflame-Within-Me-At-The-Sight-Of-You sex.

Hayate couldn't stop giggling or coughing (it was hard to tell) to say what he thought it was.

Eventually, Genma and Raidou might deign to tell the rest of Kohona what their favorite type of sex is. But until then, Genma and Raidou can have lots and lots of yay-for-confusing-people sex. Or perhaps we-know-something-everybody-else-doesn't-know sex.

The Third Hokage was probably the most accurate. He thought that Genma and Raidou's favorite type of sex was i-love-you sex.

Yes, Genma and Raidou were indeed talented men (in the ninja arts and other ways too) who had a hobby they devoted themselves to passionately: sexing up each other.

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AN I had this idea. I have no idea how ima get this published because my wifi is down, probably hijack a computer put it up then run away, but Heyla! Yes! I did it! I love Genma and Raidou. Truly. They should just be an established couple in Naruto.

If you want to review, that'd be suber fantabulosly awesome. But if you don't I understand. Sortof.

Leaving me notes about your favorite type of sex (and not like THAT... pervs. :D) would inspire me! –flies away-

i really like this. truly. i do. but not the end. don't like that. and i have no idea what to name it... nooooooo


End file.
